Griffin, Bethany: Masque of the Red Death (Masque of the Red Death, #1)

April 24, 2012
HarperCollins
YA Dystopian, 320 pages
Acquired and read: From my friendly neighborhood library (of course); read within the past three days, because my attention kept waxing and waning

Everything is in ruins.

A devastating plague has decimated the population. And those who are left live in fear of catching it as the city crumbles to pieces around them.

So what does Araby Worth have to live for?

Nights in the Debauchery Club, beautiful dresses, glittery make-up . . . and tantalizing ways to forget it all.

But in the depths of the club—in the depths of her own despair—Araby will find more than oblivion. She will find Will, the terribly handsome proprietor of the club. And Elliott, the wickedly smart aristocrat. Neither boy is what he seems. Both have secrets. Everyone does.

And Araby may find something not just to live for, but to fight for—no matter what it costs her.

Alright. I am not bashing this story. I am not bashing the author. What is probably most likely to happen is that you will see a return of the Poe-obsessed, raven-seeking middle-schooler of yesteryear that I thought I outgrew. See, where other sixth graders clung to Beverly Cleary and Judy Blume (which, I admit, I've read/loved both, but that's not the point here), I had this very dog-eared copy of Edgar Allen Poe's short stories.

As a matter of fact, I can probably recite The Cask of Amontillado by heart. Want to try me?

No?

Pity.

In any case - especially after seeing how many seemed to enjoy it - I decided to take the plunge with Masque of the Red Death, despite initial misgivings.

Big. Mistake.

Now, first of all, let me tell you what I did like about this story: the masks, for one thing. I'd have really enjoyed a description of how they worked and why the mysterious filters would only allow one user per mask. (I'm the type of girl who likes the show, not the telling.) The steam carriages and the zeppelins and the creatures that survive in the sewers even as man succumbs to his own scientific failures. When it comes to building a harsh, sinister world, Griffin knows how to build it from the ground up until the reader herself is holding her breath for fear of contagion.

So far, so good, right?

Until we get to the characters that inhabit this future hellhole.

For one thing, there's Araby. Maybe it's just me, but I cannot tolerate a self-loathing, drugged-up heroine. Maybe that's because I've learned enough about recreational drugs and what they can do to a person, and even if it's meant to carry on the plot...Not a good lesson to teach teens, in any case. Even with all the Finn sob stories being told, the need to dispense masks to little children, I could not find anything to like about her. At all. Which is very sad, because if I can't even sympathize with a main character, I know that the rest is going to break apart for me very quickly.


And then there are the thrillingly heroic manly mans. Yes, there are two of them. No, I didn't know a love triangle was involved when I picked this up.* You can imagine the suffering I underwent. (I very rarely tolerate love triangles. You probably know that by now, though.) Will earns points for taking care of his younger siblings, but that's pretty much it. He reminds me mainly of Gale - the guy you know the author will probably push to second place because he understands the heroine way too well.

Elliott doesn't get any points at all. He wants to start a revolution for the heck of it. Or at least, that's what I got out of it. He also has a Simba complex - you know, the uncle is like Scar, and the dad is Mufasa with scrambled eggs for brains.

...Wow. I never thought I'd put a Disney allusion into a review. First time for everything, I guess.

Anyway. Putting these three characters together, and barely a few chapters in, I had the sinking feeling that I knew what was being built up to.

The Dystopian Formula.

x 1 Angsty, guilt-ridden heroine who has lost her parent/parents/brother/sister/pet dog.

x 1 Nice, handsome boy who has a dark secret.

x 1 Snarky, handsome boy who has a dark secret.

x 1 Very polluted, horrible, "the end is nigh" world. (Well, that's the point of dystopia, isn't it?)

x 1 Confusing, often pointless dialogue and scenarios. (Example: Elliott and Araby are running from danger, and suddenly he winds up showing her how to sword-fight, while cutting away the ties of her corset with said sword. Romantic? I think not.)

x 1 Revolution that suddenly starts brewing when the heroine is introduced, and somehow ends up with her as a spearhead/bounty prize.

x 1 Ending that makes you feel like you've come full circle. The villains are still there, the world is still crumbling around you, one boy may have been eliminated - oh, wait, he's still hanging onto her apron strings, never mind. 

I knew what was coming, and I still read the whole book. Either I'm a really noble person, or I just have a streak of masochism. Again, totally not bashing the author (I mean, if you've come this far with all those drafts and edits and anguished nights of repeated head-desk bashing...you deserve all you get) or anyone who actually enjoyed all of this book.

Just, don't ask me to read the sequel, okay? 

Also, I understand that this is not actually a Poe retelling. It's supposed to be a Poe re-imagining. Regardless, I still kind of bristle when I see this cataloged directly under the original story (which does not have a love triangle, thank you very much). There is a dystopian formula novel, and then there is Poe.

I don't think I have to tell you which ranks superior in my mind.

On to the next novel! *covers face with mask and carefully places Masque of the Red Death in receptacle*

Warnings: The Debauchery Club, of course, has debauchery. There is some innuendo, but not any language issues that I recall. Violent, plague-induced deaths and bloody murders. Recreational drugs, as I mentioned before, are a no-no. Don't try it at home, kids.

*ETA: Now that I look at the summary, I realize that you can pretty much figure out that a love triangle is inevitable, but I probably got fixated on the beautiful and glittery dress part. *sighs*

Dennard, Susan: Something Strange and Deadly

Expected publication: July 24, 2012
HarperTeen
YA Paranormal/Steampunk, 400 pages
Acquired and read: From Edelweiss review copies in return for an unbiased, honest review; I read it the exact same night I received it (Thank God - and Amazon - for the Kindle. Amen.)


Challenge? 2012 Debut Author Challenge

There’s something strange and deadly loose in Philadelphia…

Eleanor Fitt has a lot to worry about. Her brother has gone missing, her family has fallen on hard times, and her mother is determined to marry her off to any rich young man who walks by. But this is nothing compared to what she’s just read in the newspaper—

The Dead are rising in Philadelphia.

And then, in a frightening attack, a zombie delivers a letter to Eleanor…from her brother.

Whoever is controlling the Dead army has taken her brother as well. If Eleanor is going to find him, she’ll have to venture into the lab of the notorious Spirit-Hunters, who protect the city from supernatural forces. But as Eleanor spends more time with the Spirit-Hunters, including their maddeningly stubborn yet handsome inventor, Daniel, the situation becomes dire. And now, not only is her reputation on the line, but her very life may hang in the balance.

First of all, I feel the need to give a mild disclaimer. Are you looking for zombie-zombies? Do you feel the need to read raw, dripping paragraphs of pure gore and nausea-inducing scenes? Do you think that life is incomplete without the heart-thumping moment when you realize that your undead house guest has the need for "braaaaains..." and yours is the next on the menu?

I am afraid that Something Strange and Deadly is not the book for you.

But for delicate, tea-sipping readers like moi: take heart! You can read this without loosening your corset or breaking out the smelling salts. Mostly. And if you do, well...Eleanor Fitt doesn't hang with faint-hearted girls.

Speaking of Eleanor, if I were you, I'd sit up and take note. After all, not every girl doesn't mind ripping a petticoat (or two) or sacrificing her earring for the greater good. She does come from a (slightly cliche) family situation: Daddy's dead, Mom is concerned (read: obsessed) with pairing her off with the typical rich but secretly dark and possibly *gasps* not the main love interest guy.

Oh, and she's just received a ransom note via zombie - don't wince like that, it's all the rage with half-crazed necromancers these days - for her beloved brother, Elijah.

What is a properly bred, delicate flower like Eleanor to do?

If this were an interactive novel, I'm sure the choices would be A. swoon and hope that the zombie hasn't lost his ingrained memory of chivalry, B. grab up the nearest victim and throw it in the dead's path, shrieking, "Take her first, and you can have Elijah too! I'm too young to die!" and C. say your prayers because it'll all be over son (for your sake, I hope so).

Eleanor, however, is the type of girl who would take the exam paper and write a new bubble out: D. Get in there and be awesome! She ends up running with a pack just like her: the Spirit Hunters (when there's a zombie, who are you gonna call?), who are basically these steampunky-invention wielding, zombie-slaying team that is determined to get to the bottom of this sudden Undead outbreak.

There are a few moments where Eleanor's action does stumble - in particular, when she starts falling in love. My sister pointed out that the man in question couldn't have been the first man she'd ever met (at some points, their relationship was reminding me of Eugene and Rapunzel and that whole "I've never known someone like you..." aspect of it), but as neither of us have felt that brain-crippling, stomach-tickling emotion that is "twu wuv" before, you shouldn't quote us on it.

And of course, where a skirt-ripping heroine is born, available love interests sprout up like weeds. In Eleanor's case, her leading man is Daniel - snarky, spirited, possibly struggling under the burden of a dark and haunted past (oh, doesn't he make you swoon already)? He does sound awfully like the bare-chested hero of a bodice-ripper, but believe me, he's a bit more deeper than that - and he certainly isn't afraid of telling Eleanor exactly what he thinks of her family's former uppity reputation ("Congratulations! You're practically royalty!", or where she can stay when a zombie attack occurs (Behind him at all times...don't you hate it when a man tells you that?).

But he's dedicated to his cause, and he likes to invent, which gives him major points for being brainy. And did I mention he's handsome? What more do you want - Mr. Darcy?

Too bad. He's already taken.

The story is based around Philadelphia, which makes it easier for a reader to know what sort of terrain is being covered, even if it's all glitzy and old-fashioned and coated with clockwork cogs. I would have liked a bit more description of the areas being covered, but - eh. You can't have it all.

Again, I feel the need to point out that this is not actually a zombie novel. If you're looking for that type of YA, try The Forest of Hands and Teeth. Or ask a friend to chase you around the house for a little bit until you feel better about yourself and your (very much alive) world.

Just, you know, don't try to create an undead army at home. It won't be pretty.

Something Strange and Deadly may be a little rough (and zombie-flavored) around the edges, but please, don't be afraid to invite it in for some cozy reading time. To me, it definitely lived up to all expectations, and made sure that Susan Dennard has one major fan for the rest of her career - but I think she already knows that I kinda take her as a writing hero.

And remember, if the zombies try to bite, aim for the knees.

You'll be glad you did.

Warnings: (Or, things that even if I think the author is nearly as awesome as sugar cubes, I cannot condone) Zombies. Duh. Also, there's a few instances of strong language, and a little innuendo, and gore, and character death that I was actually expecting (so not hankie warning...not really).

Hathaway, Jill: Slide (Slide, #1)

Vee Bell is certain of one irrefutable truth—her sister’s friend Sophie didn’t kill herself. She was murdered.

Vee knows this because she was there. Everyone believes Vee is narcoleptic, but she doesn’t actually fall asleep during these episodes: When she passes out, she slides into somebody else’s mind and experiences the world through that person’s eyes. She’s...more

Expected publication: March 27, 2012
Balzer + Bray (HarperCollins)
YA Paranormal/Supernatural, 256 pages
Acquired and read: Through the lovely ladies who run the Debut Author Challenge Tours; read within twenty-four hours

Challenge? 2012 Debut Author Challenge

Vee Bell is certain of one irrefutable truth—her sister’s friend Sophie didn’t kill herself. She was murdered.

Vee knows this because she was there. Everyone believes Vee is narcoleptic, but she doesn’t actually fall asleep during these episodes: When she passes out, she slides into somebody else’s mind and experiences the world through that person’s eyes. She’s slid into her sister as she cheated on a math test, into a teacher sneaking a drink before class. She learned the worst about a supposed “friend” when she slid into her during a school dance. But nothing could have prepared Vee for what happens one October night when she slides into the mind of someone holding a bloody knife, standing over Sophie’s slashed body.

Vee desperately wishes she could share her secret, but who would believe her? It sounds so crazy that she can’t bring herself to tell her best friend, Rollins, let alone the police. Even if she could confide in Rollins, he has been acting off lately, more distant, especially now that she’s been spending more time with Zane.

Enmeshed in a terrifying web of secrets, lies, and danger and with no one to turn to, Vee must find a way to unmask the killer before he or she strikes again.

Vee Bell is narcoleptic.

But contrary to popular belief, she isn't sleeping her life away. Every time she falls asleep, she gets a vision from the last object she touched, through the eyes of the person that touched it before her. (Quite the chain, isn't it?) Of course, this little ability isn't always a gift. Vee's life got turned upside-down when she realized the worst about her ex-best friend during a school dance. And now, it's happening again.

Only this time, she's witnessed a murder.

Awesome premise, right?

Okay, time for the painful honesty. Was this book one of my "this debut was SO worth all the pain and toil and going out to the mailbox to fetch it (ooh, my shins)" titles of 2012? ...No. But it could have been.

First, let's start out with the kudos. Vee is one of those characters that can actually wear the label "Unique" without looking like a Tumblr hipster - you know, one of those kids who gets a Tumblr and takes blurry shots of the soda machine and soulful looks in the distance because that's the way to looking hip? (No offense to anyone who has a Tumblr. I am the last person to start stereotyping anyone on the way they behave.) She's narcoleptic and she dyes her hair the color of Pepto-Bismol (we don't actually get to see how she pulls it off...) and hoards her mom's old collection of 80's music.

Yes. Her mother is dead. So much for avoiding the cliche, but I guess you can't get it all.

There is also a love triangle. Gah. I hate that phrase. Triangles are pointy and sharp and no matter which way you grab 'em, you know you're going to get cut - so why bother rooting for one guy? With my luck, usually it's the loser. Fortunately for me, I wasn't too into this triangle, which included Rollins (the best friend - of course) and Zane (the new, smoldering "too good to be true" hottie that is mysteriously attracted to pink hair and randomly falling asleep in the middle of class...). If you've already read Fracture, I think you'll be able to figure out what's going to happen - that doesn't count as a spoiler, does it?
Of course, since this entire drama is set in high school, we also need the general over-helping of hook-ups, secrets, and embarrassing pictures forwarded to every single guy on the football team. Again, we refer to the Golden Rule of YA: thou must not forget the appropriate amount of teenage hormones.

See, when it comes to these type of rules, I'm a bit of a rebel.


I think my main issue with Slide was the ending. So there's a mystery. A killer's on the loose. The next target is being stalked. And then, hold on...the killer is [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER]?! But I thought for sure it was [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER]. Wait a minute, who is this person anyway? The majority of the conclusion went over my head. Suffice it to say: I do not envy Vee her life. Everyone has a vendetta against someone else.

To sum it up, Slide is like that mug of green tea (or coffee - I know there are some people out there who actually like the stuff) that you make fresh and warm in the morning. It smells good. You can't wait to take a sip and start your day off on the right foot. And then, you get caught up in your e-mail or your phone calls from last night and you completely forget that cup waiting on the counter. By the time you remember and add your sugar, it's cold. Lukewarm if you're lucky. And it just doesn't taste the same.

But that's the way reading rolls. You gain some, you lose some. And there's always a chance to make a fresh cuppa if the last one wasn't to your tastes.

Warnings (Or, unwanted seasoning that Kaye does not want in her tea): What is every American teenager up to when the 'rents aren't home - at least, according to Oprah and Hollywood and the Great American YA Novelist? Key word: hormones. Hooking up, breaking up, language. One girl was pregnant when she was murdered. Also, it seems like every single adult Vee looks up to is having an affair. Is it something in the water?